What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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