I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
please don't ironically join a cult
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