He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
