i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So squirting runs in the family.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
