I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
