peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I touched a dick in church today
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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