people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Text me some of your sweat
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
