I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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