I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can I color on your dick again?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize