I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
