He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
