she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
