so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize