that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
