My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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