Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
