Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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