I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
