Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
