I just threw up on my dentist
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
