the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
