His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
