I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
