i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize