The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
