I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
