Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
