i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
