If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
