I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my phone needs a breathalizer
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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