I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Small penises have feelings too.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
