Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
