dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
