I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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