I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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