don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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