God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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