peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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