Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
