You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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