i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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