YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
