"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
