well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm always down for nudity.
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