Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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