just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
