I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just pynch a tree in the face
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
