nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
