im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
