we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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