ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
