I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
