who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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