fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
