Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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