and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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