Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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