I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
