By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
