That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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