Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
