haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
