Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
