Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And then my night got REAL pukey
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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