bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
