I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
