She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
