New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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