You're a womanizer and a bitch.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
