I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
