Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
