Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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