he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
