I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
