So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
