I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
