my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
